Claim the Good, Even Today

I’ve recently noticed how much I use it, and it bothers me. I can claim a big win just in the fact that I am aware of it. Awareness is the beginning step to choosing to change it…the behavior that isn’t healthy.

I discovered how dependent I am on it while lying in bed the other morning. It was dark-dark outside and my husband and I had yet to break light into our room. We were slowly awakening to the call from the 5 a.m. alarm and talking about the wind and rain pelting our windows, leaving short, panging noises ringing into our quiet.

“I know we need this rain”, I was saying, “but it sure messes with my running schedule, especially the wind.” And then I said it. “It makes me crazy not to be able to run.”

That time I caught myself. “Wow”, I said. “I did it again.”
“Did what?” my hubbie asked. “Said it. I think I am dependent on it. Yuck.”

The phrase I use often, a lot, I mean, really a lot is this: “It makes me…”

I have noticed that I use it when I experience myself as out-of-control or unable for some reason to exert my will to make things happen according to my wishes. When other drivers cut me off or choose to make decisions that are dangerous I have said “It makes me crazy when people drive like this.” When my students don’t listen or continue to play on their smart phones in class I report that “It makes me upset when you do this.” When my kids won’t follow my directions I say “It makes me nuts when you don’t listen.”

As I was writing this, I received a text asking if I had heard about the school shootings in Connecticut. “No!” I responded. “What and when?” Then I almost wrote back “It makes me feel out-of-control” but I caught myself. I texted back “I feel out-of-control”.

The subtle change is not small. It is a chasm leap from one way of looking at the world to another. Repeating the phrase “It makes me,” or “they make me” or “______ makes me”, denies that I am the one in control and responsible for my life. It gives away my good power to another entity, situation or person. It denies that I have all that I need to choose how I feel, decide what my options are and what I think. I become dependent on blaming, giving-over to or letting another entity be the cause for me and my thoughts, emotions, feelings and actions.

Doing this is not tapping into my natural good. When I claim that I am naturally good and have in me the power to make more good for myself and others, I am take responsibility to use it. The good is in me now. I do not need to wait to get it from God, church, job, government, friends, lover….you name it. When the good is in me, it is up to me to tap into it regularly to use it to create more good.

How do you do that in the face of a tragedy such as the one happening right now in Connecticut? First, I own how I feel. The shooter didn’t make me feel out-of-control. I feel that way because I have three children and one husband at a school every day. The thought of something like this happening to them sends shock waves of fear careening through my body. To get hold of that fear, I face it. I have plenty of good to manage it and think. I don’t’ need to react and I don’t need to blame. I decide how I respond.

Step two. Get in touch with my good to claim that the power of good, even in the midst of this terrible, frightening occurrence, continues to be stronger. Realize that this bad, awful event does not mean evil is triumphing over good. It means one unhealthy individual chose to deny his good and cause immeasurable pain, fear and suffering for many.

Step Three. How can I help? What can I do? Where can I put my good power to work to make more good, especially at times when it appears (it’s not reality) that the bad is winning.

Step Four. Breathe deep into my good, claim it for the world and get busy.

Here’s a good challenge for your good self. Pay attention to how often you say the phrase: “______ makes me…” When you notice it, replace it with “I am good.” For those of you with a streak of adventure and fun – replace it with the Tony the Tiger growl-up of “U-I-A-A-A-M-M-M  G-O-O-O-D!

Let’s go make a good difference in a world of good that needs more!

No More Shopping!

I don’t like shopping.

During the hubbub of the holiday season, I find it even more distasteful. It’s difficult enough to find items that are just right and appropriate for me; that I like, that aren’t too much to spend and that will be a good asset to my already overfull house, closets and containers.

Trying to find the right gift for others is even harder. My kids make it easy… they write it down in detail and are willing to talk about it at just about any given moment between Thanksgiving and December 25th. 

It’s the rest of the crowd that causes the crease over my eyes to deepen. How do I balance the budget of limited funds with really wanting to provide for my family and give them what they need and some of what they want, while also wanting to appreciate other people? What do you get your friend that isn’t your best-y but who you want to show you appreciate? What about that colleague, or casual acquaintance who regularly brightens your day?

Give the gift of their good. Seriously. I did it last weekend, and it was so enriching to be part of.  Serendipitously, I gave the gift of “our natural human good” to a friend who is having trouble claiming it for himself.

“Listen,” I said… “are you saying the sentence?” (You know the one: I am good and have in me the power to make more good for myself and others. That sentence that changes the world.) He sheepishly admitted that no, he wasn’t.

“You need to!” I exclaimed. “Seriously, my friend, it truly works. I promise you will hear a difference in your inner dialogue. All those negative nasty’s telling you that you aren’t worth it and are not enough, will subside.”

We talked for a while about all the ramifications of taking seriously the work of practicing and rehearsing the idea that he is naturally good and has the power to make more good for himself and others. He texted me today with an update: “I’ve been saying it!” it read.

Between beginning to write this blog and completing it, I gave the same gift to another person in my life. She is one of those people you regularly see at work, who is helpful, kind and always ready with a smile, but not a close friend. She was flustered from all the pressure she was experiencing, so I said “You are good and have the power to make more of it. Trust yourself. All of this isn’t as powerful as your good.”

She blushed with a broad smile and said “Oh, AmyJo, well, thank you.” As I was leaving the office she purposely sought me out to say thank you again, for those particular words. “What a great gift you gave me,” she said. Indeed!

No more shopping! Give the gift of good to someone in your life! Wrap it up with your own good. Put on the bow of confidence in the truth that when we share our natural good with others we generate a larger, unstoppable energy of positive, problem-solving, beauty-affirming and life promoting power! Now that’s a gift for the season!