Claim the Good, Even Today

I’ve recently noticed how much I use it, and it bothers me. I can claim a big win just in the fact that I am aware of it. Awareness is the beginning step to choosing to change it…the behavior that isn’t healthy.

I discovered how dependent I am on it while lying in bed the other morning. It was dark-dark outside and my husband and I had yet to break light into our room. We were slowly awakening to the call from the 5 a.m. alarm and talking about the wind and rain pelting our windows, leaving short, panging noises ringing into our quiet.

“I know we need this rain”, I was saying, “but it sure messes with my running schedule, especially the wind.” And then I said it. “It makes me crazy not to be able to run.”

That time I caught myself. “Wow”, I said. “I did it again.”
“Did what?” my hubbie asked. “Said it. I think I am dependent on it. Yuck.”

The phrase I use often, a lot, I mean, really a lot is this: “It makes me…”

I have noticed that I use it when I experience myself as out-of-control or unable for some reason to exert my will to make things happen according to my wishes. When other drivers cut me off or choose to make decisions that are dangerous I have said “It makes me crazy when people drive like this.” When my students don’t listen or continue to play on their smart phones in class I report that “It makes me upset when you do this.” When my kids won’t follow my directions I say “It makes me nuts when you don’t listen.”

As I was writing this, I received a text asking if I had heard about the school shootings in Connecticut. “No!” I responded. “What and when?” Then I almost wrote back “It makes me feel out-of-control” but I caught myself. I texted back “I feel out-of-control”.

The subtle change is not small. It is a chasm leap from one way of looking at the world to another. Repeating the phrase “It makes me,” or “they make me” or “______ makes me”, denies that I am the one in control and responsible for my life. It gives away my good power to another entity, situation or person. It denies that I have all that I need to choose how I feel, decide what my options are and what I think. I become dependent on blaming, giving-over to or letting another entity be the cause for me and my thoughts, emotions, feelings and actions.

Doing this is not tapping into my natural good. When I claim that I am naturally good and have in me the power to make more good for myself and others, I am take responsibility to use it. The good is in me now. I do not need to wait to get it from God, church, job, government, friends, lover….you name it. When the good is in me, it is up to me to tap into it regularly to use it to create more good.

How do you do that in the face of a tragedy such as the one happening right now in Connecticut? First, I own how I feel. The shooter didn’t make me feel out-of-control. I feel that way because I have three children and one husband at a school every day. The thought of something like this happening to them sends shock waves of fear careening through my body. To get hold of that fear, I face it. I have plenty of good to manage it and think. I don’t’ need to react and I don’t need to blame. I decide how I respond.

Step two. Get in touch with my good to claim that the power of good, even in the midst of this terrible, frightening occurrence, continues to be stronger. Realize that this bad, awful event does not mean evil is triumphing over good. It means one unhealthy individual chose to deny his good and cause immeasurable pain, fear and suffering for many.

Step Three. How can I help? What can I do? Where can I put my good power to work to make more good, especially at times when it appears (it’s not reality) that the bad is winning.

Step Four. Breathe deep into my good, claim it for the world and get busy.

Here’s a good challenge for your good self. Pay attention to how often you say the phrase: “______ makes me…” When you notice it, replace it with “I am good.” For those of you with a streak of adventure and fun – replace it with the Tony the Tiger growl-up of “U-I-A-A-A-M-M-M  G-O-O-O-D!

Let’s go make a good difference in a world of good that needs more!