In honor of the holiday I have never appreciated - even while in the ripe juicy blossoms of love – this Valentines Day Blog will be about…drum roll please….
“How it’s Good to Know You Don’t Want to Die”.
Not very many weeks ago, a member of the faculty at the university where I teach, died. Suddenly. Unexpected. This was not foreseen in any cards or medical reports.
I later learn that it all started with “one of those flu bugs” making the rounds among us. It turned into pneumonia, and, well, he died.
Not five days later, I am hit hard by “one of those flu bugs” and before I could fling the arm of my intellectual critical thinking up to block and deflect it, it happened. The tale of my impending death swirled and spun around me. And. I. Died.
And for one moment I was enveloped in the beautiful darkness of sweet clarity.
“Why did I ever think there was anything more necessary than hanging with my kids?”
“Why would I ever want more than loving with my wild succulent husband?”
“What could ever be so embarrassing…What failure could ever be so big, that I would rather remain quiet, small, unannounced and “safe” – instead of experiencing it?”
And then it was over. It felt like 30 seconds, but I suspect it was more like 10.
10 seconds of PURE Fiery Wisdom.
It is good to know you don’t want to die – and WHY. This 10 second spin into my early death has now lasted weeks. It has become a new tool in my story telling kit. Here’s how it works.
When I was feeling tentative and shy about putting myself out to ask my Shero's and Mentors to play with me on a FREE Teleseminar I am hosting (I am inviting the stars baby!) I reached into the envelope of dark, ready wisdom and brought out the story of my death.
“Would you rather die wrapped in the perceived safety of silence instead of risking the feelings from receiving an “F' No, I don't want to have anything to do with you”? Wouldn't you rather hear “F'No!” than hear nothing at all and die bunched up and small, afraid to have been rejected?”
Whizz. Bam. Boom! And I mean it! The body response I felt to that juxtaposition had kick-back! I landed on my proverbial spiritual back with the same sense of seamless clarity staring down at me.
Of course I didn't want to die not knowing, not risking and not being able to say “I put myself OUT there! I announced my DREAMS! I REACHED for the Moon and Howled!!”
Telling my story this way, there was no question. Immediately: what I had conjured in my mind as fear of rejection became Anticipation of Feeling the Pulse! What had felt like risky behavior to expose my heart and hopes, suddenly morphed into Courageous Tall Bad Ass Power! The actual response from the stars I invited took a back seat. It wasn't the driving force anymore. My reverberating blood flowing vision became FRONT and CENTER!
I am infused with this new story-telling tool. It is not a focus on death. It IS a fresh lens that cuts through all the crap of lies with laser-like precision that does not allow me to hide from my own habit of complicity. Yup. Complicity.
The old stories we wear, the ones we put on every day that say “are you sure you want to ask that? What happens if they say “yes” - can you handle it? Are you ready? Are you really able to do this? Better think twice. Wouldn't it be safer if you waited?” - they remain on us and in our Narrative Closets because we let them.
Ick. That's an uncomfortable truth. I don't like it. And – I LOVE it. It hurts so good. The sweet juice of naked liberation is inside and when you risk starting there – you begin the journey to clear out the clutter and zoom in to the clarity.
The Laser Beam Tool of “I don't want to die because...” holds your deepest loves and desires. It will open up the stuck doors of your Narrative Closet and beckon for you to enter with fierce permission to GO! and look inside.
Take this tool for a spin! Look through that Lens and SEE!
P.S. Keep your EYES PEELED for my delicious FREE Teleseminar “The Narrative Closet!” Guests from the Amazing Amy Ahlers to the Unabashed ColorFULL SARK and MORE will be joining me!! It all starts Thursday, March 2
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