The New Year offers the space and time (if we take it) to jump into such a question and dig down deep. On this eighth day of January there remains plenty of time in these beginning days of 2013 to reflect and get into your core good.
I have an infuriatingly lucky older brother who knew exactly what he was meant to do on this earth. At 13 years old he knew he wanted to be an architect and that is what he became. And a damn gifted one too.
It did not happen like that for me. I have regularly struggled with “what” I was meant to do in this world and “what” form it would take. My resume has been described as richly diverse. I have accomplished much, earned an advanced degree, traveled the world, been an ordained pastor, university instructor and non-profit founder and leader. Still the question haunts me: “What” are you AmyJo?
You know how it goes. You’re at a party or gathering and you get involved in a conversation with someone you don’t know. After exchanging names the next question almost always is “So what do you do?” Our identity is intertwined with how we earn a living. These days it precedes almost all other aspects of how we define and understand ourselves. It is what we pay attention to; we use it to measure and size-up if we want to remain in conversation or move on.
When I was a pastor I especially despised the question. The reaction was the same 100% of the time. “So, what do you do?” the stranger would ask. It was no matter where the exchange took place; a bus, at a party or social gathering, at school functions. When I responded with “I’m a pastor” the questioner would offer a furtive “Oh”. Awkward silence followed. The parties or social gatherings were the worst. People would assume they now had to watch their language or put down their glass of wine, even though I was holding one myself.
After leaving the ordained ministry (a story I tell in my book Religion Made Me Fat), I still dislike the question. It pierces an insecurity I have held since I began to wonder what I would become when I grew up. “What do you do?” is a query that leaves me flat and afraid. Afraid that what I do isn’t enough and doesn’t measure up, and flat because there is so much more to me than any one thing, position or post I have ever held professionally. There is a part of me that wants to shout with the joyful energy of freedom, “I don’t do anything but what I want to do! I am all that I should be right now!” Followed with an arm pumping, “Woop! Woop!”
But I don’t. My habit has been to play along with the game, talk about my teaching, my coaching, my new business. Until now. Until today. Until this eighth day of January 2013 where I am proclaiming “Yes!” I will break this habit, change the rules of my life and make my own game!
To begin, I am letting go of the question “What do you want to be or do” and replacing it with “Who do you want to be?”
“Who” do I want to “be” is an entirely different question. Imagine if you were back at that party. You’ve introduced yourself and shaken hands, and then you ask “So, who are you?”
Ha! It would be such a great question to ask! It matters not “what” they do, but rather the import is on “who” they are. What is it that makes them tick? What do they love? What do they think is beautiful? How do they love, make decisions, solve problems? Do they drink from abundance or are they pinched by scarcity?
“Who do I want to be?” is the question for my 2013.
Amy Ahlers, the incredibly gifted Wake-Up Call Coach, offered the question as rooted in our state of being. It isn’t what you want to get or attain. It isn’t where you want to go or something you wish to complete.
This is a question grounded in a different soil than the well known clay of expectations, production and making things happen. It is into these that we plunge our measuring devices that create measurable targets of losing 10 pounds, taking a painting class or buying that dream car, boat, or purse. These aren’t bad goals. It isn’t wrong to want and desire things or to extend our skills and knowledge. We definitely know it’s good to take care of our bodies. Yet there is a distinct difference between these goals that come from the familiar ground of societal do’s and don’t's and those that arise from our own core good.
Living into our good is the key access point to our contentment and it starts by claiming the power of our natural inner good core. From here everything else - all that is human - stems, grows and blossoms. It is not determined by any other being, organization, book or custom. Your good life comes from your good core.
Who do you want to be in this next year?
Let me offer a few examples.
- This year, I want to be a woman who is confident in her great work and in claiming the great life intended for me.
- This year I want to be a relaxed mother who enjoys her kids; playing while guiding and loving them up with my own core good while affirming theirs.
- This year I want to be a sexy, energized lover who listens to, laughs and plays with my husband.
The process is easy. So easy it will make you laugh, perhaps even doubt. But don’t.
- Just do it.
- Say it.
- Repeat it.
- Make it your truth.
I am good and have in me the power to make more good for myself and others.
It is this one sentence that will activate your good and get you in tune with “who” you are and “who” you want to be. Make this sentence your New Year’s Resolution and then add the question: Who do I want to be in this year? The confidence you build in your natural goodness will guide and direct you and you will hear your truth.
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