Claim the Good, Even Today

I’ve recently noticed how much I use it, and it bothers me. I can claim a big win just in the fact that I am aware of it. Awareness is the beginning step to choosing to change it…the behavior that isn’t healthy.

I discovered how dependent I am on it while lying in bed the other morning. It was dark-dark outside and my husband and I had yet to break light into our room. We were slowly awakening to the call from the 5 a.m. alarm and talking about the wind and rain pelting our windows, leaving short, panging noises ringing into our quiet.

“I know we need this rain”, I was saying, “but it sure messes with my running schedule, especially the wind.” And then I said it. “It makes me crazy not to be able to run.”

That time I caught myself. “Wow”, I said. “I did it again.”
“Did what?” my hubbie asked. “Said it. I think I am dependent on it. Yuck.”

The phrase I use often, a lot, I mean, really a lot is this: “It makes me…”

I have noticed that I use it when I experience myself as out-of-control or unable for some reason to exert my will to make things happen according to my wishes. When other drivers cut me off or choose to make decisions that are dangerous I have said “It makes me crazy when people drive like this.” When my students don’t listen or continue to play on their smart phones in class I report that “It makes me upset when you do this.” When my kids won’t follow my directions I say “It makes me nuts when you don’t listen.”

As I was writing this, I received a text asking if I had heard about the school shootings in Connecticut. “No!” I responded. “What and when?” Then I almost wrote back “It makes me feel out-of-control” but I caught myself. I texted back “I feel out-of-control”.

The subtle change is not small. It is a chasm leap from one way of looking at the world to another. Repeating the phrase “It makes me,” or “they make me” or “______ makes me”, denies that I am the one in control and responsible for my life. It gives away my good power to another entity, situation or person. It denies that I have all that I need to choose how I feel, decide what my options are and what I think. I become dependent on blaming, giving-over to or letting another entity be the cause for me and my thoughts, emotions, feelings and actions.

Doing this is not tapping into my natural good. When I claim that I am naturally good and have in me the power to make more good for myself and others, I am take responsibility to use it. The good is in me now. I do not need to wait to get it from God, church, job, government, friends, lover….you name it. When the good is in me, it is up to me to tap into it regularly to use it to create more good.

How do you do that in the face of a tragedy such as the one happening right now in Connecticut? First, I own how I feel. The shooter didn’t make me feel out-of-control. I feel that way because I have three children and one husband at a school every day. The thought of something like this happening to them sends shock waves of fear careening through my body. To get hold of that fear, I face it. I have plenty of good to manage it and think. I don’t’ need to react and I don’t need to blame. I decide how I respond.

Step two. Get in touch with my good to claim that the power of good, even in the midst of this terrible, frightening occurrence, continues to be stronger. Realize that this bad, awful event does not mean evil is triumphing over good. It means one unhealthy individual chose to deny his good and cause immeasurable pain, fear and suffering for many.

Step Three. How can I help? What can I do? Where can I put my good power to work to make more good, especially at times when it appears (it’s not reality) that the bad is winning.

Step Four. Breathe deep into my good, claim it for the world and get busy.

Here’s a good challenge for your good self. Pay attention to how often you say the phrase: “______ makes me…” When you notice it, replace it with “I am good.” For those of you with a streak of adventure and fun – replace it with the Tony the Tiger growl-up of “U-I-A-A-A-M-M-M  G-O-O-O-D!

Let’s go make a good difference in a world of good that needs more!

No More Shopping!

I don’t like shopping.

During the hubbub of the holiday season, I find it even more distasteful. It’s difficult enough to find items that are just right and appropriate for me; that I like, that aren’t too much to spend and that will be a good asset to my already overfull house, closets and containers.

Trying to find the right gift for others is even harder. My kids make it easy… they write it down in detail and are willing to talk about it at just about any given moment between Thanksgiving and December 25th. 

It’s the rest of the crowd that causes the crease over my eyes to deepen. How do I balance the budget of limited funds with really wanting to provide for my family and give them what they need and some of what they want, while also wanting to appreciate other people? What do you get your friend that isn’t your best-y but who you want to show you appreciate? What about that colleague, or casual acquaintance who regularly brightens your day?

Give the gift of their good. Seriously. I did it last weekend, and it was so enriching to be part of.  Serendipitously, I gave the gift of “our natural human good” to a friend who is having trouble claiming it for himself.

“Listen,” I said… “are you saying the sentence?” (You know the one: I am good and have in me the power to make more good for myself and others. That sentence that changes the world.) He sheepishly admitted that no, he wasn’t.

“You need to!” I exclaimed. “Seriously, my friend, it truly works. I promise you will hear a difference in your inner dialogue. All those negative nasty’s telling you that you aren’t worth it and are not enough, will subside.”

We talked for a while about all the ramifications of taking seriously the work of practicing and rehearsing the idea that he is naturally good and has the power to make more good for himself and others. He texted me today with an update: “I’ve been saying it!” it read.

Between beginning to write this blog and completing it, I gave the same gift to another person in my life. She is one of those people you regularly see at work, who is helpful, kind and always ready with a smile, but not a close friend. She was flustered from all the pressure she was experiencing, so I said “You are good and have the power to make more of it. Trust yourself. All of this isn’t as powerful as your good.”

She blushed with a broad smile and said “Oh, AmyJo, well, thank you.” As I was leaving the office she purposely sought me out to say thank you again, for those particular words. “What a great gift you gave me,” she said. Indeed!

No more shopping! Give the gift of good to someone in your life! Wrap it up with your own good. Put on the bow of confidence in the truth that when we share our natural good with others we generate a larger, unstoppable energy of positive, problem-solving, beauty-affirming and life promoting power! Now that’s a gift for the season!

Think About It. Really.

Think about it. Give me four minutes to tickle your intellectual imagination. Really consider the potential of what I am about to say.

“You are good and have in you the power to make more good for yourself and others.”

I’ve been talking a lot about this idea lately. In my TEDx Talk which I gave in October (check it out!) I offered this sentences as a replacement to the Christian confession “I am by nature sinful and unclean and cannot free myself,” rooted in the Doctrine of Original Sin. 

I have since had the opportunity to speak to a group of retired pastors, another with current pastors, another discussion with progressive non-clergy Christians and still others with non-religious and secular folk.

It has been interesting to hear the responses from these various groups of people and the common theme they hold between them. It seems that no one truly buys into the old idea that human beings are naturally (meaning we were born that way) bad and sinful. “I moved beyond that over a decade ago” one pastor said. Another offered that he’d have to get that “old doctrine out and dust it off. I can’t remember what it argues,” he laughed. Other individuals explained that they don’t really think that anyone believes that anymore.

Apparently it’s not a big issue. That is, until I make it clear that I do not mean that we as humans do good and are good because God works through us, but that we as humans are naturally good already – right now – this minute – in all the stuff of our humanity – we are good. “And,” I add, “we have an abundance of that good within us to continue to make more of the good because we choose to use it.”

When that sinks in, the eyebrows raise and the bottoms shift in seats. “Say what?”

Let me try again:

You are naturally good. Meaning, you did not have to “do” anything to “get good” or to “get the good” in you. It simply is in you and you simply are, good. And, you have the capacity already in you, right now, as you exist in this moment, to make more good that will positively affect you and others. By regularly affirming your own GOOD you create more capacity within yourself to do more good. The more seriously you take practicing this idea and claiming that is it true for you, the more good capacity you create. It multiplies!

Believing, practicing, affirming and training with the idea that YOU are GOOD by the very nature of your being human – shifts everything. It changes every aspect of how you and I interact with ourselves, each other, our government, strangers and with ideas and challenges. Here are just a few ripples to contribute to your thinking:

1. You do not need to get the good from anywhere else, or anyone else. You are good all on your own just because you are you.
2. You don’t need a god, church, religion or any other person (lover, parent, friend, etc…) to prove you are worthy or acceptable. You are good, way deep-down-into-the-core of yourself good, without anyone else or anything else confirming this truth.
3. There is no need to have religious judgment. Because ALL humans are naturally good, religion is not required or used to make us acceptable and good. We already are. This gives space for religion to be a source of comfort, story & guidance, thinking & wonder, celebration & community instead of “rightness” and judgment.  We can be in different religions and still be in relationship. We can learn stories that vary one from another, practice liturgies that are unique and still claim that we share the same CORE GOOD!
4. I am responsible for my life, my choices, my loves, my feelings, my reactions and responses, my…. everything.  Because I have all the capacity I need to make good and to do good, I have all the power I need to be the one in control of myself and my life. I do not need a god, a job, a social status or a relationship to make my life good or to blame when I struggle.  I am in control of my life and have the good capacity to direct and interact with all that happens around me.  
5. I am not a victim. I do not blame others for the situation of my life or for how I feel. I am naturally good and have plenty of good in me to use to make healthy, good and life-giving choices. I do not need to wait for god to finally bless me, or for a company to recognize my potential. I do not need to blame you for making me feel small, or wait until “someone loves me” to claim my worth and beauty. I realize my power and regularly tap in to my good that reminds me I am in control and responsible for me.
6. When I practice the idea that I am born naturally good, I am practicing that same idea for you too. I am naturally good and so is every other human. This is a momentous shift from only affirming good in me and my kind, to including everyone, no matter their race, creed, color, sexual orientation or political affiliation. Each of us is responsible for using our own good, and still when I practice affirming that I believe you have it (whether or not you are tapping into it) have more room to listen to you, see you and be available to problem-solve with you.

When you take these few minutes to really consider this idea, you will add ripples to this list. It is a remarkable concept that is, unfortunately, not being practiced or taught in our churches, temples, schools, homes and society. Even as people are adamant that they no longer subscribe to the old language of being “sinful and unclean” we remain rooted in the notion that without God, church, friendship or good upbringing, we cannot on our own be and do, good.

There is an across-the-board nervousness I encounter when I assert that as humans we do have the power and capacity to make good choices & to create more good within us and around us. We do it. We tap into it and we create more of it.

“It sounds an awful lot like self-worship” someone recently stated, including the assumption that such worship is negative.   

I say, “Right on!”

I have counseled and guided enough people who doubt their worth, loath their life and think of themselves as bad that I think we can use buckets of self-worship, focusing on our inner good, practicing tapping into it and regularly giving ourselves love, respect and reverence!

Becoming Halloween

I loved Halloween when I was a kid. Odd, really, since my mother hated – and still does – the whole affair. I looked forward to the huge Halloween party my church held. My memory of the huge, expansive multi-purpose room was filled with games, a cake walk giving away whole cakes, and the coveted prizes for the costume competition. Each year I dressed up to win. Every year I lost.

In fifth grade, having read the book “Plain Girl” about an Amish girl, I decided to go as her. I made the costume myself, my mother helping me with the apron and bonnet. I was transformed as I gazed at myself in the mirror. I felt like I had become her.

The next year mom said “no more sewing”, so a seamstress friend stepped up to help. I was a can-can girl and the costume was all that. I could have stepped onto the set of Moulin Rouge and fit right in.  I felt pretty, exotic, flamboyant and sassy! 

For as long as the Halloween party was held, I costumed myself up to become another person, character or entity.  I never did win. Not once. It wasn’t until I was older and those parties had long since gone by the wayside that I learned why: dad was the pastor, I was one of his kids, it would look bad if I won.  

My dad died a little more than a year ago, and all that is involved in grief is on-going. All Hallow’s Eve, Dia De los Muertos, Day of Souls and Saints are exactly the right time of year to think about my dad. These rituals give us the opportunity to ritually honor those who are no longer physically with us. They invite us to honor, remember, celebrate and think about our dead.

I was considering building an altar for my dad and wondered what I would put on it. Over the last decade of his life he and I (and my mom and my husband) moved together on a profound journey. We transitioned from espousing Christianity and living deeply embedded in the church as pastors, to independent thinkers who locate ourselves somewhere between agnostic and atheist. We remain engaged in the story of Jesus and his radical choices toward justice, equality and the value of women. Ritual and meaning making through word, meditation and ceremony remain central and important. We are not your typical anything… not freethinkers, humanists, agnostics, atheists, pagans or secularists. We are simply becoming.

I still enjoy Halloween. I love to watch my kids find joy in putting on another persona, adorning themselves with mustaches and make-up, having the chance to be “Katniss”, a witch, goblin, warrior or Viking for a day. There is a grace and freedom to the act of masking our faces and bodies with a different look, energy, personality and letting loose the growls, purrs, screams and roars of a new being. Perhaps once-a-year Halloween gives us the opportunity to take the risk of becoming something new without having to actually do it full time.  

The practice of “becoming new” once-a-year, and the imagination and preparation to do so, has served me well.  The disappointment of a young girl at not winning the competition has diminished along with the roles in and expectations of the church. Maybe it was Halloween and the freedom of trying on a new being for a night that readied me to truly, honestly and powerfully become a new person in my own skin.

If you could try out a new idea, what would it be? What question is burning in your mind and heart that has seemed too scary to ask? Is there a personality trait you have always longed to express? Is there a passion left untouched, a desire lying dormant?

Stephen Covey used to ask people to “begin with the end in mind”. “Imagine your own funeral,” he would say, “and the speeches given and what you hope they will say.”  Use this to guide your choices throughout your life – your decision of becoming.

On my dads altar I will place an excellent bottle of red wine, luscious dark chocolate, all that is music and books: lots and lots of books. I will fashion the altar to resemble a dinner table, around which people will gather to eat good food, drink good wine and debate, discuss, talk, wonder, laugh and cry. There will be candles, linen napkins and open minds.

What would you put on your Dia de los Muertos altar? What would you want others to recite about the “story of you”?

This year, dress up for Halloween! Be that something new, something dangerous, risky or previously-off-limits idea, persona or image! Practice becoming; thinking new, wondering differently and trying on another perspective.

Miss Tinsel

My entire body was tilted back and down. Sunglasses blocked the intruding light that was floating directly over my face. I couldn’t speak as fingers, suction tubes and drills were pulled in and out of my mouth. I swore I felt drool sliding over my erratically positioned lips and down my cheek. Grunting, I pointed to the spot and tried to say “drool” which came out “ouool”. The doctor looked. “Nothing there,” he said smiling. Silly me.

I was in the dentists chair this morning for the second time in the same number of weeks. In case you missed that, it’s 2 visits in 2 weeks – both for a crown. The first was “just” a cracked tooth, today was a full on break. Lovely.

So there I am, lying in a head down position with my mouth occupied by gooey gunk and a 5 minute timer ticking away in back of me. The doc is washing up, chatting pleasantly when suddenly he declares “October 24^th! Oh my God! It’s almost November.”

Yes, it is almost November and with it a swift move to the holidays. The season of giving, getting, wanting, griping and endless Christmas carols – or rather, Holiday music – is around the corner.

Doc continued. “I’m just not ready for the holidays to come. It’s too soon. There’s too much to do, too much to prepare and buy… and the hustle and bustle… all the parties and gatherings and expectations… and family!” He made a sound like a muzzled animal. “Ah… family during the holidays”.

Almost as if he remembered he was not alone, he turned and looked at me. “Are you ready for them AmyJo? For God’s sake, it was just August!”

Having no real ability to respond, I used my eyebrows and deep guttural prrr to try to communicate “Yes!” Of course I’m ready for my favorite time of year!”

When I was in high school my best friend gave me the title of “Miss Tinsel”. It stuck. I love the season of Thanksgiving through Christmas and New Year. When I was young it was magical and filled with music, cookies, yummy smells, Grandma & Grandpa and a glass of soda on Christmas Eve.

As the years passed, the reason for my exuberance has changed, but I still have it. 

I can relate to the Scrooges, bah humbugs and to people who hate the season. I have experienced the anxiety swirling around family gatherings, the comparison of children and the evaluation of lives, looks and current body size.  The numerous parties that demand our attention, hostess gifts, another well put together outfit, correctly selected gift and on and on it goes.   

There is a lot about the Holiday Season that can be difficult, sad and hurtful while also producing anxiety and even shame.

Yet amidst the flurry of gifts that are sung about, advertised for and written down on wish-lists, there really are gifts to be found during the months of November and December.

On November 16, 2012 I will offer a 7 module video course that guides you through the weeks leading up to the Celebration of the Yule, of light and abundance. These videos will assist you in facing those aspects of the upcoming holidays that give you the butterflies and the dreads, and will give you applicable tools to overcome them. At the end of these four sessions, you will find yourself ready and filled with positive anticipation for all that occurs between November 22 and January 1.

More information will come about how to access this fun, engaging, lighthearted romp toward the holidays that will give you the tools necessary to have the best Season of Giving ever!  Stay Tuned!

Mumbo Jumbo

It seems silly to suggest that a sentence can change the world. To repeat an idea over and over again with the intended goal of changing our deepest selves and the way we see each other appears as juvenile. Really? Repeat a bunch of words and my world will shift? Sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo.

And yet, one week ago I stood on an incredible TEDx San Joaquin stage in Stockton, California and said just that.

Aristotle gets it. “We are what we repeatedly do," he says. "Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” This ancient Greek dude had it right. What we consistently do or say trains our minds and bodies to reflect it. We embody our habits.

“I look fat, I am ugly,” looks like a person with shrugged shoulders, suspicious eyes and over - or -  under weight. “I don’t look like them, my clothes aren’t stylish. They laughed at me. If only I had this hair, body, eye-color, smile...,” is reflected in a constant struggle to fit in, missing entirely the beauty of our unique loveliness. “I like boys..., I am supposed to like boys..., I don’t like girls,” results in self doubt and often self hate. I could go on. Through years of coaching, counseling, teaching and leading retreats I know that many of us are weighed down by the repetition of ideas that tell us we are not good enough.  Not enough for God, for parents, for someone to like me: just not good enough.

Standing in the spotlight on that TEDx stage I recited the sentence that had powerfully shaped me into the person I used to be. (Yes, used to be! Habits can be broken!)

“I confess that I am by nature sinful and unclean and cannot free myself.” It goes on from there, but let’s not. We don’t need to encourage focusing on the unhelpful and unhealthy habits that weigh us down. But there it is, and its power sculpted me.

The idea contained within the words acted as the hands and tools of a sculptor and shaped me into who I was. Believing that I was naturally bad and I could not, on my own accord or will, change that for the better made me fat. I literally gained weight, physical pounds and mental, spiritual and emotional baggage. 

I wanted to kiss. I wanted to have a boy’s hands on me. I masturbated. I was terrified because no matter what I did, the desires did not subside. I still wanted all of it and I hated myself for it. I could not get enough of the “God-goodness” in me no matter how often I went to church, prayed, took communion or participated in church activities. None of it stopped or reduced the desires I had burning within my mind that literally jolted through my body when "that particular boy" touched my arm. I knew that I was a sinner and likely going to hell.

Does a sentence have power? Oh, ya.

We become our habits, the good and the bad.  Let’s go for the good!

We need to reverse the damage done by the sentence that reflects the idea of The Doctrine of Original Sin, and we need to replace it with the Affirmation of Human Goodness.

I am naturally good, and have in me the power to make more good for me and for others.

That’s it. That is the sentence that will change the world. I know, because it’s changed mine. I am sure of it because I have witnessed it altering the self image of my kids. I am positive of it because I daily see it change the self image of my clients, giving them a sense of inner power they have not known before.

Silly? One sentence changing the world? Not at all.

It takes 21 days to form a habit. Taking advice from the ancient Greek dude, we need to become excellent at rehearsing, repeating and reminding ourselves that we are naturally good. We need to reshape our self image and the vision we use to see each other and the world.

I am naturally good and have in me the power to make more good, and so are you. We share the same core good and same capacity to make more of it to benefit ourselves and others.

To train with this sentence is to hone our community to open mindedness that reaches beyond tolerance to listening and understanding. To be disciplined with this sentence is to awaken our whole bodies to the truth that our desires, ideas, hopes and questions are first, good.

Repeating this sentence gives us the capacity and power to better handle those times and events when our goodness seems far away or missing. We will no longer be defined by the bad that occurs around us, but rather we will confidently confront it with partnership, respect and the expectation that we each come to the table with an equal capacity to problem solve.

One sentence?  21 Days? For you? Do you, adult person who does not need or like silly little gimmicks of self improvement (neither do I), need to make this sentence your own?

Yes, yes, and yes!

We need a movement that covers the airwaves, car bumpers, Twitter-sphere, Facebook-likes and posts that will adorn our bodies, backs and arms, shouting that we are GOOD!

21 Days. One Sentence. I am good and have in me the power to make more good.

Change the world!

Kickin' the Fear Habit

I have been contemplating fear these last few days. Fear of taking that leap, jumping into the risk of believing so fully and totally in my ability, gifts and wisdom that I finally do something with my wild and precious life.

I have finally let go of the comfortable excuses, the regrets of past opportunities and the fear of not having enough, and I am going for it.

Scary, inspiring stuff. I am dizzy with the potential of doing what I know I was made to do.

So why the fear? Habits can be hard to break, and returning to the fear mongering I spent a lifetime learning is among those tough nuts. 

Tough, yes, but not impossible.  I am doing it and so can you. Whatever message, expectation or limitation that is stopping your movement forward, your full self to emerge, the following steps will help crack it open.

First, look the fear or expectation straight in the face and name it out loud. As distasteful as this is, it’s an important first step.

Here goes.

I am afraid that the success of others around me somehow puts my ability to realize my own success at risk. Wow, I have never written that so succinctly and honestly. I don’t think I’ve ever stated it so boldly. It’s ugly. Is that really me?

Yup. Truth. There you have it. Instead of rejoicing with others at their amazing lives and accomplishments, I have practiced being intimidated by them.

For some crazy and irrational idea, when someone else wildly succeeds, which is what I want for myself, I am afraid that it snips off another piece of the blanket of my potential.

Fear can cripple if we continue to practice it without being aware that it is there. Looking at it, stating it and naming it immediately pierces a hole in the bubble of fear and begins to leak.  It has less power over us.

Second, practice, repeat, rehearse and retrain your thinking with this one sentence: I am naturally good and have in me the power to choose to use it to make more good for myself and others.

Repeating this sentence every day, multiple times a day, has had tremendous impact on my life and how I see the world and myself. It literally buckles my proverbial knee-jerk reaction of jealousy in its tracks! When I have experienced the ping of “See what that person is doing… what makes you think you can do it?” Or the pang of “They’ve already done it, you may as well just give up,” I remind myself of how good I am and how much power I already have inside me to be a creator of more good, more beauty, more life giving advice and it corrects my vision.

It’s not magic, but it’s close.

Third, I have taken stock of the importance of surrounding myself with people who want to celebrate my success! Too often those in our lives are connected to the status quo of who we are now, and the idea of the “Big AmyJo” or the “Great AmyJo” seems threatening. Instead of encouraging me to go for it, words of fear are expressed, often in a context of protection. “Do you have enough money to do that?” “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up and feel bad if it’s not a huge success,” and on and on.

No more. Choose to be around people who want you to succeed! The language of affirmation and genuine encouragement are critical to building our own capacity to go for it!

Fourth, I am my own policewoman and have recruited a few other trusted “cops” to keep me in line. When I feel the urge to compare myself and come out on the losing end, I say out loud “I am enough, I am brilliant and my time is now.” Really. I say it out loud. No matter where I am. If I am riding my bike (because my husband and I share one car while I build my business), walking into class to teach (and I gaze at the pictures of successful people lining the walls), or listening to the radio in my kitchen (and hear a story of an amazing person doing an incredible thing), I say it out loud. “I am enough, I am brilliant and my time is now.”

Finally, I practice genuinely celebrating the amazing, great, incredible feats people are accomplishing all over this world. Thank the good-ness of humanity for all of these successes, struggles, learning moments and movements!

Our world improves the more we all go for it! When you and I honor those who are doing it, we send good karma, emotions and energy into the world and by doing so, we make it better!

Follow the Formula:

1)     Look the fear straight in its face and name it out loud.

2)     Repeat: I am naturally good and have in me the power to choose to use it to make more good for myself and others.

3)     Choose to be around others who want you to succeed! The language of affirmation and genuine encouragement are critical to building our own capacity to go for it! Accept it and give it away to others.

4)     Be your own policeperson and say out loud, whenever the creepy-crawlies of jealousy or insecurity linger: “I am enough, I am brilliant and my time is now.”

5)     Rejoice in the success of others and know that doing it improves the energy in our world.

We each have a story and gifts to give the world. We cannot know each detail, but we can affirm that we have all it takes to do it!

The time is now! Go For It!

Meditate to Rock It!

My husband led the meditations. His spirit embodies a peace grounded in the beauty of that which is bigger than what we can see and touch.

Before he began to lead them, the weekly staff meetings at our medium-size valley church were painful. Disorganized and meandering they would typically end up a bitch and complain session. I would walk away feeling mired in the negativity that fed my own anxiety and fear.

Once we began with the meditations, everything changed.

Poetry was a favorite for becoming grounded, and Mary Oliver was often the poet of choice. Her poems moved me to another reality that would both compel me further on and make me giddy with the beauty of her words and art.

One phrase from a poem she wrote I will never forget. It is the concluding stanza to her poem “The Summer Day” and it is this question. “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Tears spring to the corner of my eyes whenever I hear it. It touches me deeply in that inner region of my desires and hopes and it nudges me like a gentle finger pressing just hard enough to remind me I need to get moving.

What is it you plan to do, AmyJo, with your one wild and precious life?

Meditation has not always been my friend. I struggle to be quiet and still. The state of my natural being is movement. My mind is always working, thinking, dreaming, telling stories and making up fantasies. As most who know me will quickly attest, my mouth is rarely closed and voice seldom not being used.

I talk a lot, laugh loud, run hard, hand-dance in the car and simply have an all around difficult time sitting still and being quiet.

So of course, meditation is especially important for me. I need it, and I have recently rediscovered this very important truth.

After leaving the organized church, I establishing an experimental community that eventually progressed to embrace new ideas and a system of belief that was no longer Christianity. During those incredible three plus years of teaching, studying and questioning we developed deeply meaningful meditations. I wrote ritual that spoke to our new way of seeing the world and poetry replaced memorized liturgy.

When that Community ended, and it did so in hurt, betrayal and much pain, I stopped meditating. I literally put everything from my office, on my shelves, in drawers and from my home that had to do with Way of Compassion Community in a box, closed it and shoved it in a dark corner of my garage.

I recently unpacked it. What a charge it was to walk my fingers through books, files, framed pictures and documents and reclaim them as me. My heart fluttered and spirit soared.

I am being born again, and this time, I am going to do some amazing shit with my one, wild and precious life! This time, I am not allowing anyone to nay-say, or nervously keep me down because they want me small. This time, I am going to say “shit” if I want to. This time, I am going to wear my red lipstick without apology, sing loud, laugh with abandon and be the big, great person I have always known is the true me.

I can claim this truth because I have rediscovered meditation. There is such a thing as “divine timing”, which I refer to as “universe time”, evident in my connection with Lissa Rankin and Amy Ahlers. They lead Vision Ignition Switch; a business that mentors visionaries in building their business so they can both change the world and their lives for the better.

Before each webinar or group call we are lead through a meditation. The first time it happened I was stunned. I wasn’t sure how I felt about doing something that felt like going backward. I had worked so hard to finally leave the old system of belief and the practices that came with it, I was not clear I wanted it again.

For some reason I trusted these women and myself enough that I decided to do it and fully participate.  Tears streamed hot and salty from my closed eyes, pooling in the corners of my mouth so that when we finished, I was wet.

Joining the boxed items I had chosen to return to me, I now added meditation. I reclaimed it in a new, meaningful and life giving way.

The next day my husband, the gentle giant who had led meditations so effectively for years, listened to a webinar with me. I suspected there would be a meditation, and wasn’t sure how he would receive it. When Lissa began, I closed my eyes and began to participate. A minute in I sneaked a peak at my husband. He sat stiff with mouth clenched. It was painful. Something he loved, let go of and never had been recognized for, was happening right in front of him in his own home.

I took a risk. Tapping him gently on his knee I said “participate!” He did. We both have a piece of us back.  We both are claiming our one, wild and precious life and the truth that we are going to rock it!

Stay tuned for meditations, poems and ritual for you to rock your life! 

Grasping Good

We need to spend more time seeing the good.

Sounds simplistic, right? But it’s not. Try it and you’ll see how dependent we have become as a society on blaming, seeing and pointing at the bad. We are verging on a cultural addiction to the bad; we use it to excuse our own actions, explain the actions of others and when we need a scapegoat for tough social issues, we offer it up.

A few weeks ago I was with extended family. The conversation migrated to the content of my upcoming TEDX San Joaquin talk.  I began to explain the gyst of my talk: that the Doctrine of Original Sin is wrong and needs to be replaced with the Affirmation of Natural Goodness.

One of my siblings in-law who is not now nor ever has been, part of organized religion, interrupted me to ask “Well, how can it be true that we aren’t born naturally bad? How do you explain all the bad stuff that happens?”

It’s funny how the non-religious can sometimes become defenders of the faith. It happens because Christianity has had such a profound impact in laying the foundation of our Western culture. The idea that we are all born with the desire and penchant to do and be “bad” (The Doctrine of Original Sin) is one that has had the greatest impact.

Sure. Absolutely. Without Question. There is evidence of bad actions, choices that harm, hate, prejudice, violence, deceit, betrayal and more. And agreed. It’s not going to go away.

But if the evidence being presented to prove that we are all born naturally bad is that those attributes exist, then the argument fails. Yes, there are these realities in our world and personal lives, but it does not prove that sin, bad or the dark side is our first inclination.

There is no more evidence of bad attributes and actions than there are of the good. In fact, the truth is there are far more incidents of good that we experience every day than of bad. Our problem is that we don’t see them. We don't pay attention to the good stuff.

We have been trained to see the bad first and walk right past the good.

It’s time for a reorientation that will restore our collective spirit and hope in our common goodness.

We need to retrain our minds to see, notice, and mark all the good that happens around us every day.

Yesterday I was given unsolicited hugs from my kids (good), was told that my advice was valuable and helpful (good), attended a webinar by two women who have “made it” in my industry and who are giving away what they have learned to help others (good). After a long day of teaching fifth grade my husband sat at the computer and helped me revise items for my upcoming TEDx Talk (good). My mother called to check on my kids (good) and my sister called just to tell me she loved me (good). My hair stylist who just had a baby texted me to ask how things were going (good) and men who were standing in a group on a path where I was running politely made way for me and smiled, saying “lookin’ good!”(good).

All of it is good and all of it is unremarkable. But it’s good and it’s real and it’s important.

The bad that happens to us hurts. It pierces our spirit and has the potential of infecting our minds so that it permanently damages our vision and the way we see each other and the world. It’s true that betrayal, violence, lies, can leave lasting marks on our persons.

Yet that does not prove that it is what defines us. Nor does it mean we have to allow the bad to dominate the good. We can change the way we think and see the world. It is our choice.

Practice makes perfect.

When we prepare to run a half-marathon, we train. If we intend to play piano in a jazz band, we rehearse. To excel at a skill or area of specialty we study, read and focus our efforts on that particularity.

Nothing more is demanded of us to change the way we see the world and each other. We need to practice, rehearse and train ourselves to focus, study and spot all the good in and around us.

Notice it. Point to it. Let other people know when you find it. Tweet it. Post it. Photograph it. We need to share the good so that we daily recognize its overwhelming presence in our lives.

Let’s get to it. 7 Days of Grasping Good will help.

Monday: Concentrate on the goodness in beginnings, commencements and starts.

Tuesday: Spot good actions in people you don’t know but stand next to at Starbuck’s, walk past in the grocery store or pass on the freeway.

Wednesday: Look for the language of good: thank you, have a nice day, after you, you look nice, and…

Thursday: Claim the hope of good in the midst of hurt, pain, sadness, violence, hate and in seeing good even as we recognize the bad.

Friday: The Friday Habit: focus on the good in you and that you see around you and tweet, talk, post or otherwise announce it.

Saturday: Let loose with the good of extra sleep, long runs, movies in the afternoon, friends, kids play and languid love.

Sunday: Rehearse and affirm: I am naturally good and have within me the power to make choices that creates good for me and others.

Grasp the Good, hold it close, ingest it and watch your world shift!

The Friday Habit!

I am thinking about Fridays. I love them. They make me feel hopeful, imbued with a sense of accomplishment and anticipation about what possibilities are held in the next two days of freedom.

I didn’t always have this view of Fridays. As a pastor, Friday was the last day to prepare everything needed for the busy, overwhelming stuff that was the weekend of worship.

I’m not sure how many people realize it; the hours a pastor puts in. During my tenure as an ordained woman, I had my share of those folks who asked “What do you do during the week?” I always laughed between clenched teeth and explained that being a pastor was a full time job, oh sorry, vocation, calling.

Right. Forgot, not a job, a calling. I digress.

I have had free weekends since the spring of 2008. At first it was strange and uncomfortable. I felt like a truant child who was cutting class. It was as if something was wrong with the extra hours that were now mine to decide how to use.

I got used to it. It’s a totally new universe, one that I now adore and enjoy. The weekend has allowed for more time with my kids, late night and morning intimacy with my husband and the ability to sleep in which has allowed for parties! Saturday and Sunday’s are great for long run’s, bike rides and reading uninterrupted. Love ‘em. That’s their job, to rejuvenate and give reasons for joy.

Now I have a new job for Fridays: an experiment to form The Friday Habit. Here it is. Every Friday wake up with this intention: To concentrate on the good in you and in others around you and Tweet, Facebook, Orkut, Blog or otherwise announce it.

We focus too much on the bad, the violent and awful. We come by it honestly. Christianity and the Doctrine of Original Sin laid the foundation of Western culture and our ideas about humanity. We have practiced and rehearsed that the “bad in us” dictates and rules.

Father Augustine, the author of this ground-laying opus, declared that humans are born ensconced in sin, wrapped up in the dirty reality that our first human inclination is to choose that which is bad. We lie, cheat, harm, are selfish, greedy and are overcome with the desires of the flesh.

Of course, the answer to such a state of affairs is God and the Church. Convenient, I know. We can never escape this cycle of sin until we die and then are judged as to how well we did managing it via God, Jesus and the Church. In other words, we need them and it. We cannot handle our bad or create our own good, so that we must go looking for it in the divine entity which apparently created us with this wanting for good, which is concurrent with this same divine entity. Clever.

The marketing plan is actually pretty ingenious. It provides for a life long need to buy what the Church is selling.

I want a new plan, and it begins with The Friday Habit: Concentrate on the good in you and in others around you and Tweet, Facebook, Orkut, Blog or otherwise announce it.

We need to let go of the thousands of years of practicing the idea that we sin first and we gotta get the good from outside of us.

We need to replace the old confession of sin with a new affirmation, a new, powerful sentence. Yup, a sentence!

Here it is: I affirm that I am by nature good, and have within me the power to make choices that create good for me and others.

That’s it. One sentence.

It takes 21 days to form a habit. We could change the world by making this sentence our new habit. Seriously. Think about how the ground of our world, built on the Doctrine that we are first sinful and need God and Church to manage it, would shake and turn if we practiced that we are all good and already have the power inside of us to do and make more good!

I am good, you are good. We share the same core of good potential and ability to make and create more good. Imagine it! It would change the world – change how we see one another – how we interact – disagree – worship – think – plan – solve problems.

No, it’s not a formula for utopia or perfection. Ick. We don’t’ want that, it’s not reality and it’s boring. What we want and need for the sake of our society and our future is to reframe our vision of ourselves and each other.

It is harder to focus on the good in each of us and our potential and responsibility to use that good to make more of it, than it is to default to the easy excuse of “well, we are all naturally sinful”, or “I guess I just haven’t been praying enough” or, “God is telling me no, because there is no change in the situation.”

Focusing on the good makes us responsible and full of amazing possibilities!

21 days. One sentence. Change the world.

Let’s begin today with The Friday Habit! See you in cyberspace and all your good!

Do God and Mohammed Need Our Help?

Why do God, Allah, Mohammed or Jesus need us to defend them?

In the wake of the tragic attacks on the U.S. Embassy in Benghazi, I wonder about this question. Apparently the motivation for these killings is due to outrage at an amateur film posted on YouTube that mocks Islam and the prophet Mohammed.

I get it that we don’t like someone poking and prodding at that which we hold sacred or important. But really?

I was in college when The Last Temptation of Christ came out. The polar opposite of Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, this movie explored, albeit tentatively, the possibility that Jesus had a sexual relationship with Mary Magdalene. People were in an uproar.

I thought it was cool. I saw the movie and attended a forum at my university. The “panel of experts” was our three campus pastors and a few religion professors. How these people could take an intriguing, artistic and controversial film and suck the life out of it, was astounding. In the end, any energy around was deflated from boredom.

What I do remember happened after the forum. I was defending the film to another student when she said “How would you feel if someone made a film denigrating your hero Martin Luther King, Jr., and do it with lies and make-believe fantasies?”

Hmm. The question gave me pause. I probably wouldn’t like it.

But so what?

Dr. King was a public figure. He was tracked, stalked and dogged by the FBI and other organizations. He was hated, revered and loved. He was married and a philanderer. We know these things about him, and we know it because he was in the public eye. It’s what happens.

The fervor and willing anger thrown, pitched and spit at anyone who denigrates, questions or pushes on religion and religious figures, is saddening and out-of-control. It happened last night in Benghazi and it occurs every day on the internet and blog-o-sphere and almost any other time someone questions, insults, criticizes or otherwise does not ignore or adore, religion. Any religion. Christians do it, Muslims do it, and those not well known, do it. And, it’s wrong.

If Dr. King, a human being of great accomplishment and normal failings, doesn’t need defending, why would a divine entity and prophet? Why do I, a non-Muslim, have to venerate Mohammed or at the very least, say nothing about him or Islam without risking rage and violence against me or the country of my origin?

It is indefensible. Mohammed does not need to be so defended, nor does God, Allah or Jesus. If you are a follower of these entities, you believe they are divine: all-powerful, all-knowing, perfectly able to manage their own divine selves. Why would they even be bothered by a mortal questioning or even insulting them?

These divine entities, described as such by their followers, do not require our human help in venerating and preserving their position of honor. These violent responses to those outside “the faith” that push on it, question or even mock it, denigrate that particular religion and risk propelling us into further intransigence, so that we will not hear one another, learn about our differences, and find our commonalities.

It doesn’t matter what you are: Muslim, Christian, Jewish…. When you react defensively with anger, venom and violence, physically or with words, you represent that religious system and reduce it to defensive and insecure humans lashing out in fear. It does not reflect confidence in your own belief or in the power of your divine entity, and it surely does not promote peace, mercy and justice that most of these religions preach.

If this continues, we will see more violent responses to any seeming "threat" to someone's "sacred". 

All religious leaders must speak out against such atrocities. Those on the edges of extremity must not be allowed to expand their reach. Secularists, humanists and the religious need to raise our voices together and say “no”. “No” to not listening to opposition, “no” to reacting defensively to criticism and “no” to teaching and preaching division between “right” religions and hate for those who are not religious.

God and Allah do not need our help. Let’s focus on who and what does.

Here's the Real Question - and It's for All of Us

NPR recently announced they were going to focus on the most important question of the 2012 Presidential race: what is the role of government?

I disagree. I think the most important question we ought to be asking is “What kind of society do we want to build?”

As a parent of three, I would restate it again. “What kind of society do I want for my kids and their future?”

I think about the vision cast by Romney and Ryan. Their speeches were caustic, misleading and self-righteous. They promise a return to America as a land of plenty and the stand-alone super power in the world.

I am not opposed to a more robust economy. I welcome it, and for many reasons. First, those who are most harmed by this down economy are not the likes of Romney, Ryan or Obama. It is those who were already struggling, already weak in our society who have truly suffered and lost. Second, when there is opportunity that stretches across gender, race, religion and political affiliation our nation as a whole is less anxious. We make better decisions and are more open to one another.

I don’t think anyone would make an argument against regaining our economic footing and growing all of our wealth.

Ah, that’s the trouble. Is the recovery going to be for everyone, or only those who have, up until now, continued to accrue and build up more wealth? 

In terms of the Romney/Ryan vision, I remain skeptical. Their divisiveness alarms me, as does Ryan’s budget that builds a society that does not have programs or provisions for the struggling folks. Their adamant insistence against abortion, birth control and attack on women’s health care is more than troubling. Finally, their insistence on the insertion of God, Church and right religion into making public policy is far beyond my comfort zone. 

Definitely not what I want for my kids.

Listening to Michelle Obama speak at the DNC we begin to see a glimpse of how the Obama/Biden vision will be presented. Her speech was beautiful, smart and seemingly intimate and personal. I cried.

But I couldn’t help thinking, when she said to loud fanfare and applause, that “Barack Obama doesn’t think that success is just measured by how much money you make, but by the impact you’ve had on the lives of others,” that such a statement is so easy to make for those with abundance and plenty.

Making a difference in the lives of others is a powerful feeling. I have and do experience it. But when push comes to shove, those feelings don’t pay for my kid’s swim team fees or buy groceries.

I hate to say it, but I suspect that even with the humble beginnings of our President and First Lady, none of the candidates understand the way most of us live. 

It is up to us. We need to be in discussion with one another, outside the boundaries set by political parties and religious affiliation, about who we want to be and how we intend to conduct ourselves.

Economy and jobs is critical, without question, but what else are we missing?

Gender equality, equal pay for equal work, open access to health care, women’s choice, sexual autonomy, human rights for all, excellent public education for everyone, respect and dignity to all simply because we are people, reduction of religious rhetoric of judgment and absolute statements about who is good and who is not.

These are just a few things I consider important. What about you?

What kind of society do you want to build?

And, what are you willing to do to get it?

Can an Atheist Love Jesus?

I have heard the same question repeated over the last few days. It is this: Why would atheists even talk or care about religion when they don’t believe in it?

Let me give it a try.

First, I care about religion because it has a far and powerful reach into our political, social and policy debates in this country.

Second, I care because to apply or insert religion as the foundation for discerning right and wrong is dangerous and irresponsible and it happens every day.

Third, I care because I love Jesus.

Yup, you read it correctly. I love Jesus. Let me begin at number three and work my way back.

I was born into the Lutheran church and lived my life being shaped and formed by its teachings, doctrines and systems of belief. It told me who I was while telling me who you are.

 I learned to believe that all people were born with the inescapable burden of sin; a blemish that would follow us through our lives for which we must constantly work to assuage and keep in line. It didn’t take long to move the gaze from my own sin to your sin. From church I learned who was bad and who was good, who God liked and who he didn’t.

I became an ordained pastor in the same church, teaching the same doctrines that I had learned as a child. I witnessed others being shaped by it and heard the words from my parishioners who knew about the less-worthy; the non-Christian, the promiscuous, the girl with the dragon tattoo!

As a woman I experienced the patriarchy of the Christian church and began to question much of what I had spent my life learning. I eventually acquired so much knowledge I could no longer subscribe to the finite beliefs of Christianity.

It was Jesus who gave me this nudge and led me out of the church and into a new way of thinking and visioning the world around me.

Yup, Jesus.

I studied the gospels intently; read them in Greek and visited the places where these stories supposedly took place while I studied in Israel and Palestine. I read scholars from outside the church and discovered more about Jesus than I had growing up.

I love Jesus and the story of this ancient Semite because he profoundly and courageously acts for those who have been left out, put out or pushed down by the power of the day. Jesus addressed those within his community who had been relegated by the religious law to the status of worthless, dirty and impure.

From stories about women caught in the snares of the Levitirite of Marriage to those pushed out because of impurity from their menses, this Jesus was outrageous in his risk to talk to, teach and touch women. He did the same for those impoverished, with a withered hand, bent over back or leprous deterioration.

Jesus is about creating a society of balance, of justice, where everyone is given opportunity “to be”: to be safe, to be heard and to be validated.

I love Jesus and the story of this ancient dude. He is worth reading about and understanding, even more so without the whole divinity-thing.  Jesus is more powerful without being thought of as God.

I know that I could never pick up a stick, say some incantations and do what Harry Potter does. That’s magic, silly. We’re not magic. That’s just fantasy, not reality.

Same is true for Jesus. When Christians and any others who read his story focus on the supernatural powers he is purported to have, we place him in the same arena as Harry. Not meant for me, silly. Jesus is God, fantasy, not reality.

Christianity gets this wrong. The story of Jesus is intended as a model for living now. He is a person who exemplifies the individual power you and I have when we consistently work to build a society that is in balance for all.

This is a far more challenging Jesus than the magic-out-of-reach Jesus.

Without the moniker of divinity Jesus has even more potential to be a powerful force for change in our contemporary society, and that’ why I want you, me and everyone else to know about him,

Jesus is still important.

We also need to know more about Christianity, the Church and Biblebecause we cannot combat ignorance with ignorance. It will be our own reasoned interpretation of scripture that will curb and reduce religious claims, not ignoring or demeaning them.

The more we all know about God and Jesus, the closer we will get to a true separation of church and state. Only then will religion be allowed to flourish within its own compound of belief, choosing how to be present in the world without pushing to direct it.

Yes, I am an atheist who loves Jesus. Perhaps we could all benefit from such seeming contradictions.

It Doesn't Matter If They Have "Faith"

I am worried.

About our country. About our society. About the growing reality that it appears we have forgotten how to think, how to disagree and challenge ideas, ideals and beliefs.

Why do we care if our presidential candidates have a “faith life”?  This article from the National Cathedral magazine has generated a lot of conversation and hype about which candidate is the "better religious". Who cares?

Why, in 2012, do we insist on tenaciously holding to old doctrines without equally insisting these same doctrines be questioned, challenged and debated for relevance?

When our current President states that it is our “faith” that has provided a “moral framework and vocabulary” for our nation, I wonder what he means? Who’s faith? In what? The scientific method? The stock market? Democracy? Equality?

When Obama then uses that idea of “faith” to automatically refer to a divine transcendent being, it reduces all other theories and approaches to morality, ethics, and good actions as null and void. More offensive, it affirms the wrongheaded idea that if you or I are not religious, or don’t have a “faith” we are unable to be good.

The discernment of right and wrong, the questions of how one ought to live (morality & ethics), has been discussed and debated since humans have recorded thought. The ancient Greeks were some of our most prolific thinkers in this area. It has not been limited to religion or a divine being, and it needs to not be now.

Unless our nation wants to embrace the belief that without religion or a divine transcendent being, one cannot be or do good, then what does it matter if our President is religious?

It doesn’t and shouldn’t. If we claim that any human being can do good, think wisely and live virtuously, with or without religion, then it does not matter. (Certainly we have witnessed many “men of faith” who have not lived up to those qualities).

When the Republican nominee for President states that “there is no greater force for good in the nation than Christian conscience in action”, I think about all the people who are agnostic, atheist, humanist, and non-Christian religious and wonder what they are worth? What a terrific statement of division. Thanks Mitt.

Claiming a faith life should not automatically license someone as “good and moral”. What it means is simply that someone either was taught, brought up or otherwise chose to believe in and trust a particular idea or way of engaging the world. Fine. Keep it out of policy making and politics.

Finally, that Obama says in the article that he is comforted at the end of the day because his faith teaches him that ultimately God is control is okay. I guess.

But wait a minute. If God is in control, why are there so many out-of-control situations? Why so many killed in suicide attacks? Why so many people dying of hunger, much of it caused by conflict, war and hate? Why are so many people without health care or employment? Why is there still prejudice and hate between races, genders, sexual orientations and religions? Why, why why?

To say that in the end God is in control is to open the door to the likes of Bryan Fischer and Pat Robinson who claim 9/11, Tsunami’s, earthquakes, and most recently the shooting in Aurora, CO, is because God is ticked at our waywardness.

We can’t have it both ways. Either, God is in control and we then need to check-in with our God-barometers every time we make a decision or respond to an event, or God isn’t and we don’t.

Who would be those God-barometer-interpreters? What happens if one persons hearing of God-directed politics and policies is different from another? Which one is right? How do we know?

This is a slippery-slope-of-a-religious-mud-slide that has the potential of careening down the side of our democratic foundation and smothering our right to think, choose, and challenge.

We need to stop it now.

God Did or Did Not...?

“God did not intend…

…for you to live this way, for you to behave like this, for you to have this much, for you to be with that person, for you to think like that, for you to know more than…”

God did not intend. It’s a precarious statement that is, unfortunately, used regularly and often.

 “God did not intend…” I say knowingly, claiming the knowledge of the divine’s mind as my own. I know, therefore I can judge, hate, separate and dismiss.

God did not intend, I say to those groups I don’t like or that person whose choices don’t coincide with mine. I don’t like you because you are everything I have learned is bad, and, by the way, I have an investment in being good so watch out.

I need to take care of my “goodness points”; my very life, or after life, depends on it. You and your badness bother me. Your existence sullies mine and if I get too close I might even get some on me. Yikes, can’t have that. I’ve worked hard for these points.

In Western Christianity this idea is wrapped up in the Doctrine of Original Sin; the package that delivers a lifetime of sin, repentance and struggle to each of us with a salvation embossed bow.

Here’s how it works. We are each born naturally bad. It is human nature. We are “sinful and unclean” and “in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves.” Goodness is outside of us, badness inside.

Enter religion, God, Jesus, Elohim and… you get the picture; the goodness we need is in them.

Religion is about reigning in our naturally bad tendencies that we cannot, on our own volition, handle or delete.  If goodness is outside of us, we have to get it inside, and the church is our vehicle.

We get baptized, take communion, go to temple, pray daily, contribute time and talents, and otherwise work to fulfill the prescribed formulas of getting the good in, and subduing the bad.

A letter was posted on Twitter last week. It was a scanned copy of a handwritten note from a father to his gay son. The brevity of sentiment was as heart wrenching as the overall message: I no longer recognize you as my child. In a few poorly constructed sentences, a father abandons his role as parent, guide and unconditional giver of love to his child.

Ouch. One of those scribbled lines of communication said this: “God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle.” And so… because I know what God thinks, hopes and wants, I am justified in turning my back on your existence.

No, that’s not okay. The truth is, we don’t know. Nobody does.

But we need an excuse to hate, and God is convenient. We use religion, God, and the Doctrine of Original Sin to demarcate our judgment and hate within categories in which we have become all too comfortable operating; good and bad.

I am good, you are bad, so I get to hate, shame, judge and despise you and do it feeling vindicated and pure.

It’s a shame - on us and our knee jerk reaction to the hurt, pain, and suffering caused by humans. Rather than admit we occasionally deviate from our natural good nature, we blame our sometimes bad choices on the fact that we are born with a predilection toward the bad, dark, shadow….and poor us, we just can’t help it.

I don’t buy it.  It’s simply intellectually lazy, unhelpful, unhealthful and unreasonable.

Western religion begins and ends with the Doctrine of Original Sin because we need a safe and acceptable place to house our fears of the “other” and fear of our own wants and desires.

No more. We need to reassess and move on.

It is time to let go of this idea – this “Doctrine Default Demarcat-er” – and rehearse a new mantra.

We are born good. Kindness, love, empathy, compassion, generosity…these are all our natural response.

We are self-determined and have the capacity to choose, do and live good.  

“We” are good. We.  You and me. Him and her. Them and us. We are all good, which is the beginning to changing everything… 

God's Values on NPR

Americans often speak of core values:  some are patriotic and American, some God-centered, while others are strictly Christian. But really, what are they? What are these values tossed about to validate positions, prejudices and partisan politics?

In the August 9, Morning Edition interview with Sofia Martinez, she and her co-worker answer this by talking about  needing “a good moral compass” and mention the “desensitization of our children to violence and sex…”  They say it like Democrats and Obama himself have created the world of violence and sex on the internet, TV, films and elsewhere. Can anyone say “deregulation?” Be sure to follow it up by  “Republican”.

Finally, the co-worker proclaims her vote for Romney because he is “closer to God’s values.”

Ok. And what are they?

The Old Testament God is angry and jealous as often as He is merciful and just. This God destroyed the entire city of Jericho; men, women and children.  This is the very same One who commanded a father to kill his son.

What values are “God’s values”?

Jesus in the New Testament repeatedly acted on behalf of those members of society who had been put out, ostracized and oppressed because they didn’t fit into the boundaries carved out by religious law. Hmmm, think of gays and lesbians, immigrants and non-Christians. Seems Jesus might be willing to stand up for their inclusion rather than exclusion.

Again, what values are “God’s values” and who, pray-tell, gets to decide?

We frivolously lob, fling and chuck the language of morals, ethics, good and bad as if it were a game where the winner gets to be the true American. We then tie them to “a God” (my God, my Rules, my Righteous hate), and skewer those not “like us” with the spear of being “immoral” and without values. 

The message: If you don’t believe as I do, if you don’t worship the same God in the same way as me, or come to the same “God-given” conclusions, then I get to label you as immoral.

This is a dangerous and irresponsible game. And, it is our country, our children and our future that is getting hurt.